


Martyred

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-18
Updated: 2006-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-02 15:39:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12729396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Sometime after the second season episode, 'Secrets.'  Daniel dies. SG-1 grieves. Daniel comes back.





	Martyred

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

_Jack's POV_

I never believed in myths or fairy tales. I'd grown out of those long before I ever joined the military.

When my CO came and told me about this stone ring we had found and asked for my help, I'd listened with tolerant amusement. It was ridiculous, to be sure. I mean why the hell were we keeping this ancient piece of stone top secret? 

Then I met Daniel. And Daniel turned that piece of stone into something amazing. Something out of one of those fairy tales I'd stopped believing in or some sci-fi novel. But I was too jaded at this point to really appreciate what was in front of my eyes.

To me the `gate was a tool. A way to end my suffering as sure as a bullet to my brain. 

It never really registered that I was on another world as I stepped out onto the sands of Abydos. The only thing on my mind was seeing the man who had murdered my son brought to justice. Seeing him dead. Seeing me dead.

I never had a very healthy appreciation for life. The only times I could actually smile was when I was with Charlie . . . but I'll admit the depression started long before I lost my son.

Sara always resented that she couldn't make me smile anymore . . . that suddenly it seemed I never laughed. Our marriage was over but we held it together for Charlie. After he died there was nothing left to hold on to.

But you see the Stargate -- it changed me. I came back as someone else . . . someone I used to be but had forgotten along the way. My faith in life . . . in people had been returned.

But if I was honest, the Stargate didn't restore my faith . . . Daniel did.

It's not everyday you'll met someone who would give his life for yours. I've had friends I'd known for years leave me alone under enemy fire just to save themselves. 

Then this guy comes along . . . doesn't even know me. And I can't imagine he'd liked what he had seen, I wasn't exactly at my best. 

I made it clear I didn't like him. That I didn't respect him. But he still jumped in front of that staff blast, taking the fatal shot that had been aimed at me.

I didn't understand it. Couldn't figure out what Daniel had thought he could gain from giving his life for mine.

It had been stupid. Daniel was more important. He'd been the only one who had a chance to get us home. I'd been expendable, I'd gone there prepared to die. I'd gone there to die - period.

But he didn't think about that. There was just this split second when Daniel saw someone in trouble and did the only thing he could. 

Daniel died for me. Not for the last time, either. 

I tried to get him out of the habit of sacrificing himself for this greater good he keeps going on about. I'd try to explain that jumping into the line of fire and making yourself a human shield was **stupid**.

To little avail apparently. Because he never stopped. His heart . . . his soul wouldn't allow him to not care. To turn the other way and keep walking, something I myself had become far too comfortable with. 

Daniel had to fight. Had to give his all in everything he did. No matter the cost to himself. 

Daniel saw himself as unimportant. Replaceable. Daniel saw himself as broken. Someone who couldn't ever be fixed.

He told me once that Sha'ure made him whole. It's somewhat of a cliché. Thousands have probably said the same about their spouses. But Daniel's eyes express what words can't and it's there for everyone to see just how much Daniel loves her -- how far he'd go to get her back.

But there was a problem with his quest to find Sha'ure. Daniel knew if something happened to him, he could count on me to keep looking. Which meant he would still be willing to give his life for a cause because he knew Sha'ure would be in good hands.

I never could understand why Daniel trusted me. He should have taken one look at me and known I was bad news. He should have taken one look at me and walked away. Just as everyone else had.

But for some reason Daniel tried to be my friend. And I tried my best to be there for him. I promised to help find Sha'ure, and Daniel never doubted I'd come through.

I vowed to protect my team. And he never doubted that either.

And look where it's gotten him. Dead . . . again. 

He finally became the martyr I knew he was destined to become. There's a planet out there now where Daniel Jackson is revered. The man who saved their lives -- their planet. He's thought of as more than a god.

But that isn't good enough.

I won't let it end this way, I won't fulfill my promise to Daniel only to tell Sha'uri that her husband is dead.

That I let him get killed.

Too many faces haunt my sleep already. Too much blood on my hands already.

I won't let Daniel be dead.

A little late you say? 

Not in this world. You see I use to not believe in fairy tales or myths . . . but I've changed.

I've seen what possibilities there are in the universe. What miracles there are out there. 

And I'm going to find a way to get him back. No matter what I saw. No matter how many times I remember what happened. I'll find a way.

I watched as they dragged him to the alter. I watched as they killed him. 

A sacrifice. A penitence to restore a planet to the good graces of a merciless god. The people had rebelled against Apophis and had lost.

He had brought a war ship and threatened to destroy their planet. 

And he would have done it too . . . if he hadn't heard one of the villagers mention the Tau'ri.

His eyes had lit up, and he had grabbed the staff weapon from his new first prime. He held the weapon to the unfortunate villagers neck and demanded to know how the man knew of the Tau'ri.

But these people weren't cowards. They didn't believe any longer this man was a god. He said nothing. 

Apophis fired without blinking. 

He told them to turn the Tau'ri over to him and he would spare their planet. He told them if they didn't, he would destroy their world.

I don't know if I would have let Apophis destroy that whole planet -- if I could have ordered my team to retreat to the safety of the SGC. I never got the chance to even register what he had said.

Daniel was already pushing through the crowd, standing bravely in front of the man who had stolen his wife.

He'd told Apophis that he was the Tau'ri. The only one. 

Apophis hadn't believed he was alone. But he didn't seem to care that Daniel was lying. He had one of the Tau'ri and he only needed one for what he planned.

You see, we're the ones that inspired these people to fight. We convinced them that Apophis was a fraud and then left them to face him unassisted. 

But even though we didn't provide help we were revered. We were strong. We were different. We were untouchable. 

We were the one's that had killed Ra. And they held onto that, saw us as infallible.

Apophis was going to disprove that. He was going to kill one of their heroes and take away their will to fight.

He didn't realize he was only making Daniel a martyr. He hadn't known firing that zat three times would mean his death.

Even as I grabbed my own gun in a rage and started towards him the crowds had moved forward. As one the villagers stormed the alter, they jumped on the Jaffa in threes and fours and pulled them to the ground, using the staff weapons to take out the rest.

One villager, Sien, who had taken an instant liking to Daniel charged Apophis. He pried the zat from the snakes hands and fired three times. He killed Apophis, wiped him from existence just as Apophis had done to Daniel.

It was a massacre, Jaffa lay dead everywhere -- killed in the villagers' rage.

I knew Daniel would not have approved. He would not have been happy to know his sacrifice had caused these deaths. But then Daniel never had been able to see how much he meant to people. 

Apophis is dead. And I will keep my promise to Daniel. I will find Sha'ure. But I won't do it alone. Daniel will be by my side. I know he will. He can't be dead forever. 

I won't let him be. I won't let him be a martyr. I won't let him be dead. 

They say that I'm in denial. They tell me this time Daniel isn't coming back but I don't believe them.

Death hasn't ever stopped him before. He'll be back. I'll find a way to bring him back.

I am going to find a way to get him back.

* * *

_Sam's POV_

We clicked instantly, Daniel and I. We were each surprised to find someone who could keep up with the other. Finding someone who actually cared what you had to say.

I've always been smart. I'm not being conceded, but my IQ is high above average. Daniel is the same way. The Colonel often says we're too smart for our own good and maybe he's right.

Daniel and I don't fit in with the masses. It isn't that we think we're better. It's that everyone else -believes- we think we're better. We intimidate most people. And more often than not we inspire jealousy that leads to hate.

Daniel and I have a lot in common, you see. We can both start talking passionately about some subject and lose everyone around us . . . forgetting that they wouldn't -couldn't- understand the point we're trying to make.

Don't get me wrong . . . I'm not saying the Colonel or anyone else is stupid. Far from it. They just think on a different level.

Not a lower level. Just a different one.

That's why Daniel and I clung together. Sure the Colonel and Daniel we're closer than Daniel and I. They connected on a level so much deeper than intellectual respect.

But we were connected none the less. Bonded by a shared difference. We could talk about anything together. We talked about everything.

Daniel is -was- my best friend. And I'll never forget him.

It's hard to accept that he's gone, and well the Colonel -- he's not. 

He really believes he'll find a way to bring Daniel back but it just isn't possible. We saw Daniel get zatted twice, we watched as the third shot disintegrated him.

No body to put in a sarcophagus. No body to take to the Nox. No miracles left.

I'm worried about the Colonel. He isn't handling this. He's so certain he'll be able to get Daniel back. And I want to believe him so much. 

But I can't. Even after all the impossible things we've seen I can't allow myself to believe there's a chance we'll get Daniel back.

If I do, it will just be that much harder when we don't. 

It's going to be just me and Teal'c soon enough. Once the Colonel stops believing he can save Daniel, he's going to retire. It's what he did the last time we thought Daniel was dead.

Only I don't think it this time, I **know** it dammit. And I've got to accept it. He isn't coming back. He's gone.

He won't be reunited with Sha'uri.

Sha'uri. Maybe the Colonel won't retire. He was going to do it before but I don't know if he would now. If he did what would become of Sha'uri? 

The Colonel had promised Daniel they would get her back. I had always thought that was a mistake. 

Don't make promises you don't know if you can keep. My father had always warned. 

I never held out much hope of finding Sha'uri alive. But Daniel believed in her. He told me that she was strong. She would be alright.

But dammit, Daniel was strong. And now he's dead.

I still can't believe it. It happened right in front of us. In front of the three people who were supposed to be protecting him.

We're the soldiers. It should have been us giving our lives, not him.

But he had reacted before we could stop him. He had started to make his way through the crowds as Apophis grabbed the staff weapon from his first prime.

He'd tried to stop him from killing that man but he was too far away. That didn't stop him from saving everyone else, however.

It was Daniel who was the hero. The villagers did their part, to be sure, they were the ones who physically took down Apophis and his Jaffa. But it was Daniel who inspired them to act. It was his sacrifice that gave them the will to fight.

It was Daniel who threw himself at the feet of a god and asked that the planet be spared.

Daniel knew Apophis would kill him. He hadn't expected to be shown mercy. He'd known and he'd done it anyway. And I can't help but be ashamed that I didn't have the courage to do the same.

Why hadn't I rushed forward to help the man Apophis was threatening? Why couldn't I be as intuitively brave as him? 

It should have been me on that dais. It should have been anyone but Daniel. Not Daniel.

People keep telling me that he died honorably. That, that planet would remember him always. They tell me to take comfort in that.

But Daniel had never cared about being remembered. He didn't care what people thought about him or that he couldn't tell anyone how he had saved the world.

Daniel told me it doesn't matter what anyone thinks after you're dead. He told me it doesn't matter what anyone thinks while you're living, either. Because people are often wrong. They make assumptions and snap judgments without all the facts.

Daniel said the only thing that really matters are the actions. What you actually **do** , not just what people believe you have or haven't done. The things you do that people don't know about. Things like saving worlds, I guess. 

I can't get rid of the vision of him being forced to his knees. I'd only seen the back of him but I could imagine the look of acceptance on his face. I know that he hadn't been scared.

But I can take little comfort in that, either. Because nothing can change the fact that he's dead. Not even Colonel O'Neill.

God, I feel like I'm missing something of myself. It's like part of my soul has been ripped from me. Maybe it has. 

Everyone always said Daniel and I had been cut from the same cloth. And I certainly feel like less now that he's gone.

Gone. It was inevitable. Everyone knew it. It may sound cold but none of us ever thought Daniel would reach thirty. I prayed every night that he would, that he'd wise up and realize he couldn't save everyone, that there were some battles that just weren't worth the fight. But it's like O'Neill once said, Daniel was destined to become a martyr. 

Daniel was too impulsive, too passionate . . . too willing to sacrifice himself to make it out there. We should have pulled him off the team. Placed him in some quiet office for him to work on translations. But I know better than anyone that that would have killed him faster than anything.

I can't help but think of all the little things that could have happened differently. Now that we know there are alternative universes out there, it's hard not to think about the ones out there where Daniel is still alive. 

By a twist of fate as simple as him getting sick and that mission that would have taken his life being given to another team.

It's so easy to get lost in `could haves' -- so easy to blame yourself with all of the `should haves'. But it's too late for that. It's over. Daniel's gone.

And I can't help wonder what will become of us.

What will we do without Daniel's innocent outlook to keep us in check. How many people will die because Daniel isn't there to find the solution that will save them?

As many people as he died to save, I wonder? 

I guess I'll never know. I have no one to ask for a second opinion anyway. Daniel's the only one I could wake up at three in the morning to ask a question. He would always answer best he could, never questioning why I had asked.

Gone. He's gone. How many times will I need to say it before it sinks in? How long will we torture ourselves over this?

`This is far from over' That's what Jack had said. Jack. It hadn't been Colonel O'Neill talking at that moment. It had been Jack. Jack who had lost too many and couldn't allow himself to believe he had lost one more.

He truly believes we'll get Daniel back.

Have I told you how much I want to believe, that just maybe we will?

I've never been good at thinking outside of the box. That was why Daniel and I fit together so well. I had the scientific reasons. Daniel took things on faith. He saw things different that anyone else -myself included- ever could. 

I wonder if one of us had died and Daniel were here if he could find the strength to hope there was a way to bring them back from the dead.

Probably. Daniel had always been the strength of our team. Most mistakenly believe its Teal'c or Jack or even me. They see Daniel as some wimpy geek.

But Daniel was stronger than us all. Strange that it took his death to prove that to the rest of the SGC. They had all been shocked to hear that the meek little Dr. Jackson had faced down Apophis and given his life for a planet of people.

Why the hell were they so shocked? It wasn't the first time.

Colonel O'Neill told me about Abydos. Daniel literally gave his life for the Colonel then. He'd turned a staff weapon on Ra and helped the people of Abydos fight their false god.

Then he walked through the gate to some unknown destination because of what we all thought was some vision. He swore Apophis was coming, that he'd been to another reality in which he'd already arrived.

We hadn't believed it possible. But we had believed in Daniel. So we went. And Daniel died again to save a planet, this time his own. I'm still not sure we deserved it. That we deserved him.

The people here had been cruel to Daniel. They'd done things that were unforgivable but had none the less been forgiven.

I hope that he would have forgiven me for not being stronger. For not being able to stop his death.

I know he would have. He would have without even thinking about it. Because that's who Daniel is . . . was.

I only hope he can also forgive me for not being strong enough to believe the Colonel when he tells me he'll get Daniel back.

I hope he understands that it would cost me too much to believe. I've lost too much of my soul already. I've lost Daniel one too many times already.

I can't hope. It would destroy me.

* * *

_Teal'c's POV_

I have failed. 

Daniel Jackson has died and I was unable to prevent it.

O'Neill tells me that Daniel will return home but I do not know how that could be so. Three shots disintegrate. There was nothing of Daniel Jackson left to be returned to us.

Because I failed.

Apophis was my god, I served him for many years; if one of us had to give our lives to him it should have been me.

Daniel Jackson was not a warrior - he was not a soldier. 

Daniel Jackson was a scholar and the best man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He should not have died this way. 

Not before I had a chance to repay my dept. Not at all.

It is my fault that Daniel Jackson was going through the `gate and searching for his wife. Therefore, it is my fault that he has now lost his life.

I had made a vow to myself, to always keep the young scholar safe. It was a vow I repeatedly broke.

I lost Daniel Jackson on the dark side of the land of the light that first time, and it wouldn't be the last.

O'Neill told me that it was not my fault Daniel Jackson was taken by the touched. He said that Daniel was not a soldier and he did not think the way we do. 

But that is the very reason why it was my fault. I was the warrior, and I should have protected Daniel Jackson, even from himself.

When Apophis first appeared on the planet, I became frozen with rage. My mind clouded with a hate of the likes I had never known. 

I let it distract me. I did not see Daniel Jackson start off into the crowds until he had already reached Apophis.

Three shots. There were three shots.

At the first one I had started towards the dais, but I could not reach him. I could not get to Daniel Jackson in time.

I could not save him.

I have failed.

And I am not the only one who blames myself. I have noticed that both O'Neill and Captain Carter think they should have been able to prevent Daniel Jackson's demise.

I worry for them. O'Neill continues on by telling himself that Daniel will come back. Captain Carter is not continuing on at all. She seems to be in some sort of trance, she wanders the corridors of the SGC with an expression I can only describe as hollow.

Major Ferretti has not laughed since we returned. He has stomped around and yelled at anyone below his rank just for being where they were.

General Hammond does not speak. He nods and gives quiet orders but he does not really say anything at all. 

Dr. Fraiser has not left the infirmary since we told her what had transpired. She has worked no stop, claiming what she was doing was too important to put off.

I fear for this facilities future. I have heard Makepeace say in a whisper that it was falling apart. Daniel Jackson touched so many in his brief life, and he never even realized he was doing it.

I know that we must go on. I must not let guilt and sorrow keep me from doing what is right. Daniel Jackson would want us to continue on as we had before. 

O'Neill had once said that `Daniel Jackson made this place happen.' Perhaps that is why everyone is so lost now that he is gone. 

A soldier I overheard in passing said that they -we- just needed time to grieve. That eventually everyone would move on.

And I know that I must. That I must move on. I believe that Carter will eventually move on as well . . . It is O'Neill I do not believe is going to get better.

He tells himself and all of us that Daniel Jackson is not dead. That he can not be dead. He denies the truth despite that he was witness to it. 

Captain Carter believes that O'Neill can not accept it. That if he does, he may lose his will to live as he had once before. I too, fear this. 

There is no question in my own mind as to whether or not I will get over Daniel Jackson's death. I both will and will not overcome it. 

It seems that, I too, am hollow. But I must continue to fight the Goa'uld and free my people. I shall do so in Daniel Jackson's name.

I shall do everything in my power to find his wife, Sha'uri and free her. I owe him that. I owe him so much more.

But I can no longer mourn. I must be strong. I need to be there for the remainder of my team and help them through this.

I fear it will not be as easy as that, however. For Daniel Jackson was more to me than just a man to whom I owed a great dept. 

He was a friend. And I have made few friends over the years. Acquaintances, I had many. But true friends --the kind you can trust to stand beside in battle and bear your soul for-- they are rare and precious, indeed.

I have but three left, Bra'tac, O'Neill and Captain Carter. 

I will do what I can to keep them safe, as I could not keep Daniel Jackson safe.

Daniel Jackson had once told me it was not my job to be his body guard. After O'Neill explained to me what this `body guard' was, I had to concede that that would be how someone could take my behavior to the archeologist. 

But all of SG-1 was protective of Daniel Jackson, and I was no exception. And though I will admit that part of my dedication to the young scholar was out of guilt -- it was not all guilt.

He had a spirit in him that I admired and felt the need to protect, although it is a spirit I admit I did not fully understand. The first time I saw him, he was not scared.

While around him people cowered and hid he stood tall, as did his companions, O'Neill, Captain Carter, and Skarra.

They stood out in a mass of people that would have normally been a faceless crowd to me. I approached and they did not flee. 

The second time I saw him would have him throw himself at the mercy of the choosers, asking that they take him so that he could become a host. He was willing to give up his very soul and the spirit I so admire simply to be closer to his wife.

O'Neill had never spoken truer words when he said that there was no one else in the universe quite like Daniel Jackson.

I have been a great many places in this universe and I agree. 

Daniel Jackson was a great man. Far greater than I could ever hope to become. 

It disturbs me greatly when I hear some say that he was a liability. I can not understand -- when he had saved their very world -- how they could believe he was anything but an asset. 

Captain Carter said at Daniel's wake -- his second one -- that we did not deserve him. I had not understood at first, what she meant by that. 

But it seems clear to me now. The people of Earth, as strong and cunning as they are, never truly appreciated what they had in Daniel Jackson. 

The people of Abydos had seen him for what he was. Had treated him with the respect he so deserved. I can only hope the people of Nonain -- the people Daniel Jackson gave his life for -- were worthy of the sacrifice he made so freely.

I believe that maybe they were. These were a brave people, and they fought Apophis when he took Daniel Jackson's life. But I can not help but be somewhat bitter -- that they did not fight Apophis **before** he took Daniel's life.

Captain Carter said it was because they needed something to believe in. A reason to fight. She said that Daniel Jackson became their martyr. And that their need to avenge him is what gave them courage.

Apophis should be grateful to them in whatever hell he is rotting in. For had they not taken his life -- I would have. And it would have been much slower. 

I feel that O'Neill feels the same as I. Apophis was evil, and he deserved much worse than the quick death delivered to him by the people of Nonain. 

The candles in my room flicker as though they have been disturbed by my thoughts and I rise from the floor. I will not be able to achieve Kel-no-reem tonight.

I find myself wandering the halls as Captain Carter does. Perhaps it will help. 

As I walk, I think back to the time Captain Carter and O'Neill were trapped in Antarctica. Daniel Jackson was recovering from a head injury but he would not stop trying to find our friends. 

He continued when others lost hope. And he found them when we all thought they were forever lost. 

O'Neill carries this same hope with him now. Perhaps it is not denial as Captain Carter claimed. Maybe it is simply hope. 

I know that Daniel Jackson is dead. I saw it. I watched. But Daniel Jackson has come back from the dead before, on more than one occasion, actually. 

As I pass the General's office, I hear yelling voices. This is not unusual as of late - as everyone has been on edge - but one of the voices is the General's and the other's is O'Neill, and that is unusual. 

O'Neill is asking that we be allowed to return to the planet. The General is worried what will happen if we do. But O'Neill speaks passionately and the General finally approves. 

I do not know what O'Neill hopes to accomplish but I will go with him and stand by his side, as I know Captain Carter will.

We will return to the planet that stole away our friend and maybe then O'Neill will accept Daniel Jackson's fate.

And maybe . . . just maybe we will learn we do not have to.

* * *

_Daniel's POV_

I remember waking up on a hard surface. I remember waking up thinking I shouldn't have.

There was a woman standing over me, beautiful and surrounded by light.

Sha'uri.

My first instinct was to reach out to her, but then that common sense -- that Jack is always saying I don't have -- kicked in and I backed away instead.

It wasn't Sha'uri. It was Amanuet. 

As I hit the wall behind me I had realized that I was in a sarcophagus. I still wasn't thinking clearly at this point, and I remember jumping out of it trying to get away.

I remembered what the sarcophagus had done to me the last time I had used it. 

Amanuet spoke to me softly. She used Sha'uri's voice and I wanted to tell her to stop but I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. 

The world seemed to blur around me. Colors turning bright then dull.

Amanuet told me that she saved me. That after Apophis had fired the second shot she had used the power of the Nox to hide me and protect my body from being disintegrated. She made me disappear and everyone thought the third shot had hit its mark. She said she had been there the whole time, hidden by utilizing the amazing power that Apophis had stolen from Nefrea'u. 

Then she had brought me here, and placed me in the sarcophagus. 

She looked confused when I finally regained my voice and asked her why. She told me that her host had much love for me. That the host was strong -Sha'uri was strong- and that sometimes her feelings were her own. 

Sha'uri was fighting her. Just like I knew she was.

Amanuet had grown cold in an instant. And suddenly her eyes began to glow, and Sha'uri's soft lilt transformed into a voice that was strange and terrifying. 

She told me that she had helped me enough. And said that because of me, her king was dead. She had her Jaffa drag me from the palace and I had thought for sure she was going to kill me. 

She hadn't. She'd had them take me to the Stargate and then she left. Left me here.

I've been here for hours now. I haven't seen anyone else. It's cold. I'm cold.

I can't go home. I don't have an IDC. My mind is too foggy to remember any of the other addresses I have locked away inside my head. So here I sit. Staring at the ring that has both given me so much and taken so much away. 

It almost mocks me as it sits there unmoving. Daring me to use it. To harness its power and escape. But I've got nowhere to go. Unless, of course, I'd like to slam into the iris. 

It's morning now, and the sun is rising above the horizon. It's beautiful. Well, if I had to be stranded somewhere, I guess this place is as good as any.

I never realized before how peaceful this planet was. I had been so wrapped up in the people, I never really looked around. 

It was truly beautiful. A fitting place to die. Yes, that's right, die. I don't have the energy to move. And it's so cold. And I'm so thirsty.

In the back of my mind there was a voice telling me to get up. Saying that I couldn't let it end this way. But my conscious mind was telling that voice to shut the hell up.

It's just too much. It's all been too much. I'm beginning to think I'm **supposed** to be dead. Maybe both Sha'uri and I were supposed to die that first time on Abydos. What if everything since then has all been one big mistake?

Jack would tear me a new one if he knew I was thinking like this. You see, Jack had lost sight of life once, and he isn't ever going to do it again. And he doesn't allow anyone else to, either.

But I'm a special case, I've been dead twice already, mortally wounded twice, as well. Who am I to think I can defy death? 

God, I've got to stop thinking like this. I've got to hold on. My team will come for me. They always come for me.

But they think I'm dead, I have to remind myself. They won't be coming this time. 

But they came the last time they thought I was dead, didn't they?

Why, yes, yes they did.

Oh, this is promising. Now I'm having conversations with myself.

I think I've been in shock enough times to realize I'd better get some help soon. But that would require me to move. Moving doesn't look very plausible right now. 

I'll just wait for my team. They'll come back eventually, if for no other reason than to check on the villagers. Anytime, guys.

On the other hand, I don't know if I really want to face Jack right now, I just know he's going to kill me when he finds out I'm not dead.

Well, okay. Maybe nothing that extreme, but I'm sure that when I'm well enough he's going to try and shake some sense into me like he's always threatening. 

Is it me or is it getting colder? I pull the military jacket tighter around me but it doesn't help. Not even the three suns shining down on me provide me with any warmth.

I just have to wait here. That's all there is to it. I think I might be going into withdrawal again . . . and if that's the case, I'd rather be dead.

I swore I'd never get in another sarcophagus -- made my team promise never to put me in one even if it meant I'd die.

My hands are shaking. I can't stop them. God . . . it's happening again. 

At least it's not as bad this time . . . and at least I haven't gone all Goa'uldy, I mean I don't have my mind set on universal domination or anything. That's got to be a good sign.

I'm just cold. And I'm shaking. Like a junky in need of a fix. Hadn't someone said that to me the last time I went into withdrawal from that stupid sarcophagus?

Come on Jack, Sam, Teal'c, where are you guys?

Maybe they really won't be coming this time. Maybe this time death isn't going to let me so easily off the hook. Maybe I should be grateful.

But if I die . . . what will happen to Sha'uri?

Jack will find her. Jack will even if I'm gone -- he'll keep searching for her. I had to hold onto that. I had to remember that. 

But still -- I didn't want to die. I've kind of gotten use to this whole invulnerable thing. And I'm sure I haven't used up all of my nine lives yet . . .

No more than five of them, I'm sure. 

I have to **do** something. I know I do. I'm not usually the type of person who waits around to be rescued and I really don't want to start now. But I don't have the energy to even stand, let alone go search for food or water.

Maybe one of the villagers would come by. Oh, yea. The village... how far was it? I don't think it even matters... five feet would be three feet farther than I think I'll be able to get.

I decide that I am going to just have to sit around and wait for someone to come find me this time. It may not be my usual style, but I haven't really got a choice in the matter.

I wonder where my team is now. They think I'm dead. Again. I wonder how they're handling it. I mean, they've got to be getting use to losing me by now, right?

Yea, like it ever gets easier. Sha'uri just slipped through my fingers for the third time and it still feels like someone's trying to rip out my heart.

I hope that Jack's alright. He's been through so much already -- and I know he blames me for his gray hair. He worries about me all of the time, and, yea, alright, maybe I can see why he would. I do tend to get into a lot of trouble. 

But it isn't like I want for all of this stuff to happen. It just does. When Apophis aimed the staff weapon at that man because of us I knew I had to stop him somehow.

Just like SG-1 would have if I hadn't stepped forward first. They're probably blaming themselves for this. Poor little civilian Daniel -- never knew what he was doing -- we should have stopped him. Right. I knew exactly what I was doing, and they know it. I think that that's what really scares them. 

They'd have all done the same, none of them would have allowed Apophis to destroy an entire planet. Even if they don't know that -- I do. 

They're all too brave and too kind to have gone back through the `gate leaving these people to Apophis' wrath. We all know what's at stake when we go out on missions, we know what risks there are and that we might not ever come back. 

But none of us are the type to turn down a challenge. All of us have it inscribed within us to fight. 

I'm shaking again. And this time, it isn't from the cold. Withdrawal. Perfect addition to such a lovely day. 

I'm starting to get a little nervous now. It's getting harder and harder to hold open my eyes. I know I can't fall asleep here -- I know if I do I probably won't wake up. I've just got to hold on. Didn't I already decide that my team would be coming for me?

They'll come rushing in and rescue me from myself at just the last moment, just like always. 

God, how long have I been here now? How much longer can I force myself to stay? I've got to move. I have to get something -- go somewhere -- do something. Anything. 

I pull myself up, and grab onto a tree to try and stay standing. I'm pretty weak, though. I don't know if it's the shock or the withdrawal or maybe a combination of them both. Whatever it is, I have to get moving before it takes a hold of me.

I **have** to reach the village. I **have** to survive. Not just for Sha'uri, but for all of my family. For SG-1.

Just as I take my first wobbly step, I hear a humming sound and the ground beneath me begins to vibrate. It's the `gate. Someone's dialing from the other side. 

I collapse to the ground and turn towards the Stargate. The wormhole spins outwards, creating the event horizon that had fascinated me from the very beginning. As I watch the blue pool shimmer, I smile. They've come back for me.

I know it.

They've come to bring me home.


End file.
